poop

Pain medications make it difficult for Mom's to go the bathroom....

Baby Blues are a big Bummer...

I think I cried for 24 hours.

Friday night was wonderful. I had to wake Emma up to eat. She didn't wake me up. Then when we finally got up for the morning, she was in such a good mood. I laid a blanket on the floor in the living room and talked to her while she looked all around. Everything was great. I knew I could handle this.

Later in the day though, I started feeling very tired. Evan was gone for a while, so I was alone. Emma doesn't cry unless she needs something. She's a very good baby. I started thinking about daycare again. How she would look into someone else's eyes to fall asleep and depend on someone else to give her what she needs. Then I realized how much she trusts me and what a huge responsibility being a mom is. I was suddenly overwhelmed.

This feeling would not go away. I didn't want to look at her....I didn't want her to look at me. It was awful. Luckily, Evan was home by the time the tears really started to flow. I feel awful about how I feel...which makes me feel even worse.

Yesterday, was an okay day. I went to the new moms group. Talked with another grown up. Then came home and had a nice nap. Later that afternoon we made a trip to Babies R Us. I thought I was through this.....but here I am crying again.

I just want to be the best mom I can be, and I'm scared I can't do it sometimes. This job is permanent. I can't decide in a few weeks that it's not for me. It's scary to have so much responsibility.

I'm very lucky to have a very good baby, but also to have a wonderful husband. Evan hasn't made me feel bad for crying. He's tried to help me calm down. He's done so much around the house, and with Emma to give me a break. I can't believe how lucky I am.

Maybe I'll be lucky enough for these blues to go away...

Mommy Meltdowns

It's a total surprise to me too, but I have been pretty calm since Emma arrived. Everyone told me to get plenty of sleep while I could when I was pregnant. I won't deny that I haven't gotten as much sleep, but the sleep I have gotten is much better. I don't wake up sore and uncomfortable. Plus I have a sweet girl to take care of when she wakes me up. When she cries, instead of getting overwhelmed, a switch turns on inside of me and I'm all of a sudden super calm. Maybe I'm a super hero. I know, it sounds like I have my emotions under control. But I assure you I have had my meltdown moments.

Meltdown 1
When we finally made it home, Emma got upset. Evan and I immediately tried to calm her with changing and trying to feed her, but neither worked. Evan pulled out the bouncy seat, the swing, and every toy we had to calm her. Now, you might think I started crying because she was upset...and that definitely was a part of my meltdown. But, the real reason I got so upset this time was because I didn't want her to like any of these things - the swing, the bouncy seat, or any of her toys. I wanted her to only want me. I realize this is completely ridiculous.....now.

Meltdown 2
This one was pretty mild, but I'm still going to count it. I was at least able to hold it together long enough to get back to the car....

We left the hospital on Saturday, but were told to get Emma to her pediatrician on Monday to check the progression of her Jaundice. So, on Monday we headed out on our first outing with the "biscuit." I had a lot to be upset about on this day because we ended up taking Emma to the hospital for some lab work because of the amount of weight she had lost since birth and the yellow tint of her skin. And again, I realize how silly it was for me to choose this particular thing to get upset about.....but I did. I was upset because I hadn't noticed the milia all over body. The doctor was checking her out and mentioned that we probably noticed the small white bumps all over her body. Well, I didn't....even though we had given her sponge bath that very morning! All of a sudden I decided I was a terrible mother because I hadn't noticed something that wasn't hurting Emma at all.

I was worried about the Jaundice, especially when we had to take her back to the lab the next day for more blood to be drawn. I was also worried that we were going to have to give her formula to help her gain some of her weight back. But, for some reason, I was able to hold it together through all of this.

Meltdown 3
This one was another of the I-should-have-noticed-it meltdowns. Emma's umbilical cord stump kind of popped out of her belly button and showed some pussy, bloody ickiness underneath. It seemed like it was hurting her because she very upset and crying. Well, I lost it. How hadn't I noticed her umblical cord? What kind of a mother was I? I made Evan call the doctor about this one and we found out that she doesn't have much feeling in her belly button, so it probably wasn't bothering her. And, the "popping out" part was normal.

NOTE: All of these silly meltdowns were usually followed with a crying episode complete with apologizing to anyone around me for crying. And also crying because I just felt stupid for being upset.

Meltdown 4
Daycare is about the worst thing to mention around me right now. Again, it's silly because I don't even have to think about it for almost 2 months. But, just the thought of it brings me to tears. Early this morning, I was feeding Emma and singing to her. Tears started pouring from my eyes because it hit me that someone else would be doing this with my baby while I'm at work in the Fall. Those sweet little eyes will be looking at someone else's face. She'll open and close her eyes, fighting sleep and making sure the person who is holding her really is still there - and it won't be me she's looking for. I don't like it. Actually I hate it! I might cry now.

I love you more...

Okay. I get it, Mom. I guess you do love me more....

My mom and I have a routine when we finish a phone conversation with each other...

   Mom: "I love you."

   Me: " I love you too."

   Mom: "I love you more."

   Me: "No. I love you more."

     (sometimes I add, "I've known you longer." Because I knew her from the inside before she knew me.

But now, I know. There is no way that Emma can love me more than I love her. It's absolutely impossible. So, I guess my mom is right. She does love me more.

Petey Pictures

One of Evan's band parents gave us the idea to take Emma's picture with an object once a week to track her growth. So, in my last month of pregnancy, we took a trip to Build-A-Bear and made Petey.

6.12.11 (week 0)

6.19.11 (week 1)

Emma's birth story

Wednesday, June 8

The night before Emma was born, I felt many emotions. I was excited and anxious to meet our little girl, but also very nervous about surgery and my new responsibilities. It was so strange to think that in a few short hours we would be parents. Evan and I kept telling each other, "she'll be here tomorrow."

Mom and Mamaw made it to Baytown early in the afternoon and it seemed that having them there to distract me made the time fly. In a blink of an eye, it was time for bed and I just knew I would never get to sleep.

I woke up several times in the night, which wasn't strange for me in the last months of my pregnancy. Evan and I were both awake at 4 am. I heard him wake up, but kept my eyes closed. When I heard the TV turn on, I knew he was up for good. I said, "me too" and we both laughed a little. It didn't take long before my first round of tears began though. I was very nervous and having a hard time hiding it that morning.

We were scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 am, but were told to call at 7:00 am just to make sure there was a room for us. Mom and Mamaw were up and ready way before Evan and I even showered. I was just about to jump in the shower at 6:50 when Evan got a call from the hospital. They wanted to know where I was! We were supposed to be there at 6:30 am to be ready for 7:30 am surgery!

This little kink in the plan sent me into tears for the second time that morning. I was already nervous about being cut open, but now I was imagining everyone rushing through my surgery to stay on schedule. I was sure they would forget to give me anesthesia...slice and dice my organs...anything that could go wrong, I was picturing. This was not how I wanted my pregnancy to end and for sure not the side of me that should get to meet my daughter first!

I quickly took a shower and we all headed to the hospital. Before we even got out of the car, the tears were trickling down my cheeks again. I didn't want to upset everyone else and I knew I would worry Mom and Mamaw if I kept this up, but I was so scared and upset. I just couldn't stop.

Evan and I made our way back to Triage to get me ready for surgery. Evan tried to make me feel better and the nurse was so sweet. She assured me that everything was going to be fine and the schedule mixups happen all the time. I finally had to look at myself in the bathroom mirror and tell myself that this was not the way I wanted this day to be. I took a deep breath, washed my face, and pulled myself together. Today, was a going to be a good day.

I had expected to meet Emma before lunch, but the surgery kept being pushed back. "We're waiting for Dr. Gayle. We're waiting for the anesthesiologist." Waiting for this, waiting for that. Finally, we were told 11:30 am was our new surgery time. Mom and Mamaw were allowed to sit with us in Triage. They were both relieved that I had calmed down.

Thurday, June 9

San Jacinto Methodist Hospital

Labor and Delivery - Triage

My bed was so uncomfortable! I now had an IV in my arm and catheter in place, but I was also very gassy that morning and the nurse told me I was having contractions! My behind was sore from sitting so long, but every time I moved I was afraid my catheter would get tugged.

At the time, I thought I would never make it to surgery because I was just so uncomfortable. Now I realize the postponement was perfect for me. I needed to be calmer about going into the operating room and I needed to spend that extra time with Evan, Mom, and Mamaw.

It was after 12:00 pm when they finally took me to the operating room. They really should think about painting operating rooms. The plain white walls, bright light, and shiny metal tools are very scary. I could feel myself getting upset again until a Weezer song came on the radio. I immediately thought of Will and the funny conversation we had about poop the night before. I was going to be okay.

The anesthesiologist came in and the nurses began preparing me for a spinal. I'm glad I couldn't see that needle! The nurse in front of me said it would feel like a bee sting and then a pinch. That's exactly what I felt. The medicine worked quickly - I barely got my feet up on the table and my body down in time before I couldn't feel my lower half! I remember telling the anesthesiologist several times how good it felt to be able to relax. After hours of being uncomfortable, not being able to move my legs and that heavy feeling in my feet felt soooooo good!

Before I left triage, I told Evan I was afraid I wouldn't have the right reaction when Emma was born. I knew I wouldn't get to see her and hold her right away and I kept thinking she would feel like and alien baby. If I wasn't pushing her out and doing all that work, how would I know she was really mine? All my worries disappeared when I heard her cry. Tears rolled down my cheeks listening to my sweet girl make her first sounds. I couldn't see that she was really there and okay, but I could hear her loud and clear. All I could do is smile and cry.

Evan decided to cut the umbilical cord after all. When she was ready, Evan carried her to me and let me see her...and she could see and hear me. She was and is beautiful. She looked at me and I hope recognized my voice. Even now, I still can't believe this beautiful little girl is mine.

After I was stitched, the nurse wheeled me to recovery. Before we made it there though, I got to see Mom and Mamaw who were both looking in the nursery. I remember asking, "Isn't she so beautiful?" I could see tears in my mom's eyes. I was so proud and happy they were there.

The time I spent in recovery seemed like an eternity. I was so anxious to get back to my room and hold Emma for the first time. I tried to rest....what else could I do. After the nurse checked what she needed check and decided I was okay, she took me into my room where Evan was waiting. I still had to wait a while longer to see Emma.

I knew that after all was said and done, I wouldn't care how I delivered Emma. What I didn't know is that I could love this little stranger more than anyone else in the world. She is the most wonderful part of my life. I still can't believe that she is mine. I get to see those little eyes look up at me every day. Welcome to your family, Emma Madeline.

Day 3

Today was an amazing day for my new little family....Great days many times begin with great nights, and last night was definitely a victory for me.

I went to bed upset, frustrated, and feeling very defeated. It was our first night home and I just didn't know how I was going to make it. I was tired, sore, and super emotional going to bed, but somehow Emma and I made it through the night and into the morning feeling great.

First, I somehow figured out how to get her latched on better, which made nursing so much more manageable. We had a pretty good last night in the hospital because I let her sleep with me for a little before putting her back in her own bed. I decided to do that again...

She was extremely fussy last night. It was to the point that we gave in a gave her a pacifier. Yikes! But, by midnight, there were no more tears for my little one. Each time she started to stir and show signs of hunger, I was able to get her latched on before she could cry. I happily fed her and changed her last night. I don't know how to explain how good I felt taking care of her through the night. I woke up so proud of myself and feeling a lot more confident about my new job as Mom.

Today was such a wonderful day. After Evan found our breast feeding info from the lactation consultant, we both realized that everything we had been doing for the past 2 days was exactly right. We didn't even know it! Emma's feeding behaviors were right on track which meant that today she would probably have a marathon feeding. She did!!!!! And, my milk came in!!!

All of my worries about feeding are slowly disappearing. She ate, and ate, and ate today. The most wonderful part of my day, though, was all the skin-to-skin time. Emma and I napped a lot today. The feeling of her skin on mine and the rhythm of her breathing so close to me is the best feeling! It was a magical day!

2 weeks to go...

The countdown has begun I guess, even though we have no idea what the actual date will be. Technically today I have two weeks and one day left, but this baby clearly has a mind of her own and she's going to do things the way she wants.

Last week, I found out that she is already 7 pounds and is breech. Evan and I have tried and tried to get her to turn over. I'm sure anyone who saw us would laugh at the ridiculous things we've done. We started with ice on the top of my belly and a heating pad on my pelvis. We later added a change in elevation by having me lie down on an ironing board with one side propped up. Wait, there's more. Additionally, Evan shined a flashlight at the bottom of my belly and played music. He has also started singing and talking to Emma....and shushing me whenever I speak. There is no telling how wacky this kid is going to turn out with parents like us!

It's probable that none of these things will work. She doesn't want to turn because she's (1) not ready, (2) doesn't have room, (3) my body just isn't made for a vaginal birth. But, we keep trying and hoping that I can have the labor I want - a natural one. I feel like I've been reading and preparing myself physically, emotionally, and mentally for labor, but now it might be all taken out of my control. Well, the little control I had to begin with anyway.

So, now we're just sitting and waiting. Every little pain I have makes me wonder if it's coming. One thing we do know, though, is that she is coming. And, she's coming very soon!

Another school year is over...

Yesterday, we had a staff luncheon and had to come up with exciting and wonderful things that had happened this year. And, although I know there were many great things that happened, I just couldn't seem to pull them out of my brain at the time. So, here is my redo (with some non-Primary additions).....

1. Best Color Guard season ever...

Although I have loved every group I've ever worked with, these girls and this season has been my absolute favorite! For the first time, I finished a season not dreading next year, but looking forward to the possibilities of the future. I had m

ore responsibility this with this group than I've ever had in the past, but I felt the least stressed. The improvement of the group was definitely recognized in the community and I received compliments from so many people. Definitely one of my top accomplishments of the year!

2. I passed both my test (special ed and generalist) and I'm on my way to getting my Texas Teaching License!

This year, I had the opportunity to spend a great deal of time with a wonderful kid. He is autistic and absolutely fascinating to be around. In the short amount of time I spent as a special ed aide last year, I knew that special education was an interest I wanted to pursue. After this year, though, I have realized just how interesting the area of special education is. I have learned just as much from my kids as I hope they have learned from me. Each of them is a puzzle and so challenging at times, but also such wonderful little humans to be around.

3. Barbers Hill has a winter guard....

Not only did we have an awesome Fall season, these girls actually wanted to keep spinning this winter. They continued to amaze me and even came home with a trophy. It was a challenge to do everything while I was pregnant, but these girls really stepped up and made the first year of winter guard a huge success!

8 months later

A lot can happen in 8 months, which is the last time I wrote about anything. Looking back, I should have been writing about the many wonderful interesting things that have happened, but I didn't so here I go.....

The big news

The number one, most important thing that has changed in my life will here in 16 weeks. Evan and I are anxiously awaiting the arrival our first baby!

We found out in October, and from the beginning, Evan has been so excited. I, on the other hand, took some time to warm up to the idea. Evan has a gift for focusing on the fantastic side of things and completely ignoring everything else. I'm working on it. But in the beginning, all I could think about was everything that would change in our lives, the plans we would have to postpone, and the new roles we would both have to take. It didn't help that I felt sick at this time, too!

I probably got off a lot luckier than most women in my first trimester. I never "got sick," but I sure did feel like it a lot! We both already ate pretty healthy, so I didn't have to change much about my diet, and I still haven't. Giving up caffeine has been my only food sacrifice, which hasn't been much of a problem. I didn't drink many soft drinks before, but I did drink tea. I miss tea. On the plus side, I've only had one migraine since I found out. Wacky.

It's a girl!

And she is a mover! I was at school the first time I felt her move. Mrs. Burgess was reading Little Rabbit....and reminding the kids how to listen respectfully when someone is speaking... when I felt three tiny taps inside my belly. She saw my face and figured out what was happening. I was so surprised and not sure if it really was the baby. From then on, my little soccer player / kickboxer / ballerina has been moving and shaking all the time! She even wakes me up sometimes!

Evan is amazed by the kicks just as much as me. The first time he put his hand on my belly and felt it, I thought he was going to jump through the roof. We both just sit and watch my belly move sometimes. It really is amazing that there is a baby in there!

Daddy-to-be

Evan has conversations all the time with Emma. One of the first times he talked to her, he wanted to make sure she knew who was excited about her first. Minutes after taking a pregnancy test, he was already looking at baby clothes online...Red Sox baby gear to be exact! He told me everything there is to know about car seats and strollers the first time we went into a Babies-R-Us (babysaurus).

The best daddy-to-be story about Evan happened last weekend though. He made pancakes for me, which I noticed he'd been doing more. Of course, everything he makes is delicious! And, I do love pancakes, so I'm not complaining. When we had both finished, he said. "Can I tell you a secret?" He told me he was working on his pancake recipe so he and Emma could have weekend breakfasts. He's going to be such a great dad!

...after a visit home

Some days I wish I had split personalities so I could live all the lives I would need to satisfy my many fascinations. I want to be a farmer, dancer, teacher, veterinarian, writer, artist, athlete, city girl, country girl, student, time traveler, and maybe mickey mouse (except I'm actually too tall). There is just too much to learn, see, and do to fit into one lifetime, but I'm on my way to checking off as much as I can.

I've been back home (in Texas) for only a few days after an excellent 3 week trip to NC and I have so much on my mind. Things I want for my life, places I want to go, things I want see, who I am exactly. It's all too much. But, that's me. I've always been like this. Here are some things I'm excited about.

Camping and Hiking

A few days after I made it to Asheville, my dad decided we were heading to the lake....and that's where it started. I love being outside! I love trees and beautiful views. I love being in the sun (well, most of the time). I fell right back into my 'country girl' mode. The girl who wanted to set up the tent, and sleep outside under the stars. I fished with my dad and sometimes just sat on the boat while he fished. We took rides on the country roads in his big truck. I drove with the windows down feeling the cool mountain air on my arms. Magic.

I also had a chance to go on a hike with my aunt. She lives in Wolf Laurel and very often hikes on the Appalachian Trail....since it practically runs through her back yard. It was a pretty steep hike for most of the time, but it was wonderful. The sights, smells, and sounds of the great outdoors are so incredible.

We talked about taking 2-3 day hike next summer. I'm nervous about it (well, nervous about running into crazy people), but I'm also excited for an outdoor adventure. I really wanted to visit the Toe River again and the Cradle of Forestry since it's one of my favorite places, but I ran out of time (and company). I'm just so excited about getting outside!

I ended up bringing my grandfathers old tent back to Texas with me. My brother and I used to take it to Lake Chatuga every summer when we went with our grandparents and cousins....It's probably been 10 years since the last time the tent has been used...I sure hope it's made well. I also brought a lantern and a camp stove that my dad gave me for Christmas about 5 years ago. I'm sorry to say neither have been used before. I hope we get some good use out of them in the next few years!

That brings me to...

Travel and Vacation

Evan and I have been talking a lot about going to the Grand Canyon next summer. I am so excited. We haven't made any definite plans yet, but I would love to take a road trip, stopping at campgrounds along the way - hiking a lot while we're there. This is one of my outdoor adventure dreams....along with visiting the Lightning Field. I'm just so excited. I'm going to be planning this all year to make sure we actually go!!!!

I just watched Sister of the Traveling Pants yesterday and I am ready for a trip to Greece too! So beautiful. Luckily, Evan wants to go too. 5/10 year wedding anniversary?

Money Money Money

While I was home, I had the chance to talk to my friends and family about money. I see that everyone is having a difficult time...not just us. One good friend suggested I read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. She told me that her sister had followed the plan and quickly pulled herself out of debt. Well, that sounds good to me!

Evan and I had already decided that we needed to seriously sit down and talk about our budget (well, Evan was finally on board....so it actually happened). I told him about this book and an hour later we were heading to Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy. Last night, I was lying in bed listening to Evan read the first 50 pages out loud to me. Sweet, right? Anyway, Evan and I are really excited about getting down to business paying off our debts and starting to save money. I'm so tired of being worried about money, but now I feel really hopeful about our financial future. I also feel great about the Doyle team.

...speaking of sports

Running

Last summer, I really got into running and so did Evan. We were planning to run the Houston half-marathon, but money and injuries got in our way. It has been really hard for me to push myself to run alone, but I have done it off and on since we stopped running together back in January.

My mom, however, has been amazing! She joined the Asheville Track Club and runs three times a week with the group. They are training to run the Bele Chere 5k in July. I am so proud of her and my sister-in-law who is running with her. I wish I could be there to do it with them.

While I was home, I tagged along with them on their running nights and now I'm trying to keep up with their training. That's close to running with someone...if I'm trying to keep up with their training schedule, right? Anyway, this morning, I got up and ran around the apartment complex: 8 min. job, 1 min. walk, 8 min. jog, 1 min. walk, 3 min. jog, walk. I did it, but dang it sure is hotter here than it is in Western NC!

Once Evan and I figure out our budget, I am planning to sign up for atleast one race nearby. It's just something I really want to accomplish. I've really started to enjoy running and how it makes me feel....I just have to kick the lazy days in the BEEhind!

Planning for the Future

I am so glad that Evan and I are starting to really talk and plan our future. I'm beginning to better understand the things I want for myself and he is too. That sure does make it a lot easier to talk about the future...when you have and idea of what to talk about. In the past week, we've talked about - babies, houses, food, budgets, locations, so many things! It's exciting to talk about the future when you aren't so worried about money. I mean we still need to worry about it, but having a plan of attack has taken a huge weight off our shoulders!

nine lives

Yesterday morning was a scary one for me and my little boy cat, Pal. He's been crying lately over what we thought was a sore paw, but yesterday it got a lot more serious.

Pal is a big boy. He likes his food a lot, and most days is very impatient around feeding time. Yesterday morning, though, he was no where to be seen. I called him. Nothing. Rattled his food container. Nothing. I even poured food into his bowl and guess what? Nothing. After looking all through the apartment I finally found him in his litter box. He was there for almost 5 minutes and then came out crying.

It turns out he had a blockage (crystals forming in the body) that was making it hard for him to urinate. This is a serious disease in cats and can be fatal. I know this because my first cat died this way. So, of course, I immediately thought the worst and for most of the morning tears rolled down my face. When I took him to the vet, I could barely get the words out to explain what was going on.

$277 later, we are waiting on results from his urine sample to see what to do next. Can there please be 8 lives left?

a million and one things

My mind has been working over time lately, pulling in every direction in existence and maybe creating new directions. I don't even know where to start. A list will be best. I think.

1. I want to play soccer.
2. Dance and dance and dance.
3. I forgot how much I love Jack Johnson....because I just couldn't listen to him for a while. Now, that he's back in my life, though, I appreciate him that much more.
4. I am sick of being angry. I know that when I feel out of control, the only thing I CAN control is my emotions....but it just doesn't feel that way.
5. I want to be here and I want to be there. I don't want to do it, but I do. Can I just lie in the middle of the floor and listen to this song for hours?
6. By the way, the song is I Don't Wanna Wait by Roli Golan
7. I love my job, but I am not a good assistant. I am a reluctant leader. I try to hide it and pretend that I don't want it, but I do. I'm just scared.
8. I need a "good" duplicate of myself to boss me around when I don't feel like running or eating the right food, or when I get lazy. She'll have rosy cheeks and a beautiful singing voice.
9. Sometimes, I just want quiet. I can't get to a peaceful place too many days.
10. Buddhism.
11. Today, my kids had a music program at school. I wish you could have heard one of my 1st graders sing. I couldn't stop smiling.
12. I still think it's a game.
13. I am so happy that my choices have brought me to the place I am. I'm positive that there are people who think I missed out on something or that I didn't have as much fun. There are times when I convince myself as well. Then, I hear about bad decisions. The kind that put limitations where there should be no bounds. I am sad for you. More sad than I should be. I wish I could fix it. I wish I was more powerful than I am.
14. I love helping kids learn to read. Letters, words, sentences - they are all amazing. Do you ever think, "this is huge!" I mean, babies grow inside bellies for goodness sakes! That's amazing......AMAZING! The Earth can run itself without anyone pushing play or setting an alarm. It's genius!
15. 2012 might be scary.

My mind has run off too fast and taken all of my thoughts with it. This feels good though.

idance

I am a portable dance machine.....

I have been saving an itunes gift card since Christmas. I am a terrible saver in all aspects of my life. I save things that most people would throw away (I know this isn't news) for future craftiness. I hold onto feelings that should have been abandoned on a curb long ago. AND I save itunes cards until I find the perfect songs to buy.

Here's my purchase list for the last of my Christmas:

David Bowie: Let's Dance, Modern Love

Kool & the Gang: Hollywood Swinging

Pretenders: Don't Get Me Wrong

Rosi Golan: Album The Drifters and the Gypsy

And now since I'm home alone.....Dance party

Good teaching day

Today, a little bit of my lost confidence in myself was handed back to me by 6 little first grade hands. I was la maestra today, and it was great! All this time I wasn't sure if I was ready or if I could handle a class room on my own again, but I did! A+ and a sticker on my chart.

It was just me and a sub today for reading and math. The boys were great and I feel like we got a lot done! I'm so proud of myself. Yay Mrs. Doyle!

running, espanol, and jobs

I've come to realize that I don't really like typing. I want a blog, but I'm not sure that I want to blog. That sentence might only make sense to me. Actually, maybe I don't want to blog because it reminds me of what a slacker I have been. Let's blame it on this long winter. Good idea.

Running

I've started my training again. Solo. Evan is doing his own thing at the gym now. I went to a few classes and checked out the gym, but decided that I like running outside better. Also if I'm going to take a class, I want it to be a dance class....not a wanna-be dance class.

I really have completely restarted my training - back to week one phase one minus the shuffle. I ran my three days this week - big finish with 3 miles this morning. Not sure exactly what I'm training for yet, but I really liked how I felt and how my clothes felt when I was training for a half-marathon. So that's what I'm doing.....again. I will try to keep up with my blogging about running. I hope I can do this on my own!

Espanol

Evan and I are learning Spanish! We started Rosetta Stone this week and we've already learned a lot. It's funny that the words/sentences we've learned are a lot like my 1st graders' guided readers!

I was a little nervous on our 3rd lesson when, all of a sudden, we had to move closer to the screen to see all the words they were throwing at us. We struggled through 2 parts of the lesson and gave up for the night. Then on our next lesson laughed our heads off when we realized we had been on the wrong unit! No wonder we were having such a hard time!!!!!

Jobs

I don't have official news to report on this subject, but I feel like change is in the air. Evan and I have both applied for jobs for the next school year. I will more than likely be the color guard instructor for his school and as usual I have mixed feelings about that job. We'll see. I say that a lot. I guess I need to start practicing my 5, 6, 7, 8.

ILMJ day

Yes, today is I-Love-My-Job day! Hopefully to be repeated frequently in the coming months!

I really like the people I'm working with, the students, and I definitely see and feel the value in my job! I love this feeling.

I got a job!

Yes, it's true. It took me a year to get another full time job in Texas. As soon as a get the official phone call, my title will be special education aide at the primary school. For now I'm subbing.....for myself! hahahaha.

Yesterday was my first day and I'm not exactly sure how it went. The normal special education teacher was out. So, not only was I different person in the students daily routine, but the actual teacher had a substitute. It wasn't exactly a typical day. I like the kids and the other teacher, though. That's always a good sign. There are things I did not like about my day, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut for now.

I didn't think I would really miss subbing. I guess I didn't really think about it at all. I remember one day last year, subbing in Pasadena, when I saw that girl from Deer Park. When I asked her how she liked subbing, she said, "I love it!" I didn't really believe her at the time. But, this year, in this district, I actually loved subbing! I was beginning to get calls from certain teachers again and again. It's nice to be wanted. I am actually going to miss some of the kids I subbed regularly for.

Day 2

Rain go away!

Day 2 (34 min.)

shuffle 5 min.

jog 2 min. walk 1 min. x 8 (2 1/4 miles)

walk 5 min.

step back to step forward

I've decided to take my training back a step. I am starting back at phase 2....alone for now.

Day 1 (42 min.)

shuffle 5 min.

jog 3 min. walk 1 min. x 9 (3 miles)

walk 5 min.

The new year has made the track a little more crowded in the afternoons! It might also have been the nice weather that got people outside. Today was the first really nice day since we've been back from our travels. The mosquitos also noticed. Can you believe that? I got mosquito bites in January! Yikes.

It felt really good to run again. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, because it wasn't. But, I'm happy with the step back and the week of training I decided to go back to. I'm going to ease myself back into and before you know it I'll be running 15 and 1 again. I might also take my moms advice and look into that 5k first before diving into a half marathon.