Mommy Meltdowns

It's a total surprise to me too, but I have been pretty calm since Emma arrived. Everyone told me to get plenty of sleep while I could when I was pregnant. I won't deny that I haven't gotten as much sleep, but the sleep I have gotten is much better. I don't wake up sore and uncomfortable. Plus I have a sweet girl to take care of when she wakes me up. When she cries, instead of getting overwhelmed, a switch turns on inside of me and I'm all of a sudden super calm. Maybe I'm a super hero. I know, it sounds like I have my emotions under control. But I assure you I have had my meltdown moments.

Meltdown 1
When we finally made it home, Emma got upset. Evan and I immediately tried to calm her with changing and trying to feed her, but neither worked. Evan pulled out the bouncy seat, the swing, and every toy we had to calm her. Now, you might think I started crying because she was upset...and that definitely was a part of my meltdown. But, the real reason I got so upset this time was because I didn't want her to like any of these things - the swing, the bouncy seat, or any of her toys. I wanted her to only want me. I realize this is completely ridiculous.....now.

Meltdown 2
This one was pretty mild, but I'm still going to count it. I was at least able to hold it together long enough to get back to the car....

We left the hospital on Saturday, but were told to get Emma to her pediatrician on Monday to check the progression of her Jaundice. So, on Monday we headed out on our first outing with the "biscuit." I had a lot to be upset about on this day because we ended up taking Emma to the hospital for some lab work because of the amount of weight she had lost since birth and the yellow tint of her skin. And again, I realize how silly it was for me to choose this particular thing to get upset about.....but I did. I was upset because I hadn't noticed the milia all over body. The doctor was checking her out and mentioned that we probably noticed the small white bumps all over her body. Well, I didn't....even though we had given her sponge bath that very morning! All of a sudden I decided I was a terrible mother because I hadn't noticed something that wasn't hurting Emma at all.

I was worried about the Jaundice, especially when we had to take her back to the lab the next day for more blood to be drawn. I was also worried that we were going to have to give her formula to help her gain some of her weight back. But, for some reason, I was able to hold it together through all of this.

Meltdown 3
This one was another of the I-should-have-noticed-it meltdowns. Emma's umbilical cord stump kind of popped out of her belly button and showed some pussy, bloody ickiness underneath. It seemed like it was hurting her because she very upset and crying. Well, I lost it. How hadn't I noticed her umblical cord? What kind of a mother was I? I made Evan call the doctor about this one and we found out that she doesn't have much feeling in her belly button, so it probably wasn't bothering her. And, the "popping out" part was normal.

NOTE: All of these silly meltdowns were usually followed with a crying episode complete with apologizing to anyone around me for crying. And also crying because I just felt stupid for being upset.

Meltdown 4
Daycare is about the worst thing to mention around me right now. Again, it's silly because I don't even have to think about it for almost 2 months. But, just the thought of it brings me to tears. Early this morning, I was feeding Emma and singing to her. Tears started pouring from my eyes because it hit me that someone else would be doing this with my baby while I'm at work in the Fall. Those sweet little eyes will be looking at someone else's face. She'll open and close her eyes, fighting sleep and making sure the person who is holding her really is still there - and it won't be me she's looking for. I don't like it. Actually I hate it! I might cry now.