nine lives

Yesterday morning was a scary one for me and my little boy cat, Pal. He's been crying lately over what we thought was a sore paw, but yesterday it got a lot more serious.

Pal is a big boy. He likes his food a lot, and most days is very impatient around feeding time. Yesterday morning, though, he was no where to be seen. I called him. Nothing. Rattled his food container. Nothing. I even poured food into his bowl and guess what? Nothing. After looking all through the apartment I finally found him in his litter box. He was there for almost 5 minutes and then came out crying.

It turns out he had a blockage (crystals forming in the body) that was making it hard for him to urinate. This is a serious disease in cats and can be fatal. I know this because my first cat died this way. So, of course, I immediately thought the worst and for most of the morning tears rolled down my face. When I took him to the vet, I could barely get the words out to explain what was going on.

$277 later, we are waiting on results from his urine sample to see what to do next. Can there please be 8 lives left?

a million and one things

My mind has been working over time lately, pulling in every direction in existence and maybe creating new directions. I don't even know where to start. A list will be best. I think.

1. I want to play soccer.
2. Dance and dance and dance.
3. I forgot how much I love Jack Johnson....because I just couldn't listen to him for a while. Now, that he's back in my life, though, I appreciate him that much more.
4. I am sick of being angry. I know that when I feel out of control, the only thing I CAN control is my emotions....but it just doesn't feel that way.
5. I want to be here and I want to be there. I don't want to do it, but I do. Can I just lie in the middle of the floor and listen to this song for hours?
6. By the way, the song is I Don't Wanna Wait by Roli Golan
7. I love my job, but I am not a good assistant. I am a reluctant leader. I try to hide it and pretend that I don't want it, but I do. I'm just scared.
8. I need a "good" duplicate of myself to boss me around when I don't feel like running or eating the right food, or when I get lazy. She'll have rosy cheeks and a beautiful singing voice.
9. Sometimes, I just want quiet. I can't get to a peaceful place too many days.
10. Buddhism.
11. Today, my kids had a music program at school. I wish you could have heard one of my 1st graders sing. I couldn't stop smiling.
12. I still think it's a game.
13. I am so happy that my choices have brought me to the place I am. I'm positive that there are people who think I missed out on something or that I didn't have as much fun. There are times when I convince myself as well. Then, I hear about bad decisions. The kind that put limitations where there should be no bounds. I am sad for you. More sad than I should be. I wish I could fix it. I wish I was more powerful than I am.
14. I love helping kids learn to read. Letters, words, sentences - they are all amazing. Do you ever think, "this is huge!" I mean, babies grow inside bellies for goodness sakes! That's amazing......AMAZING! The Earth can run itself without anyone pushing play or setting an alarm. It's genius!
15. 2012 might be scary.

My mind has run off too fast and taken all of my thoughts with it. This feels good though.

idance

I am a portable dance machine.....

I have been saving an itunes gift card since Christmas. I am a terrible saver in all aspects of my life. I save things that most people would throw away (I know this isn't news) for future craftiness. I hold onto feelings that should have been abandoned on a curb long ago. AND I save itunes cards until I find the perfect songs to buy.

Here's my purchase list for the last of my Christmas:

David Bowie: Let's Dance, Modern Love

Kool & the Gang: Hollywood Swinging

Pretenders: Don't Get Me Wrong

Rosi Golan: Album The Drifters and the Gypsy

And now since I'm home alone.....Dance party